Archive for the ‘Jesus’ Tag


What a melodramatic title. It is true though. I’m quitting for now. ‘What a fickle, impulsive chap you are’ I hear you think aloud – ‘just last week you were obsessed with drumming up business for the thing’. Yes, I know… and that’s part of why I’m stopping. Here are my reasons:

  1. It was detracting from my work. You may have seen the times of these posts. They are generally during school hours. There is absolutely no doubt I have committed myself significantly less to the job I’m paid to do in favour of writing and checking this blog. That’s not good, honest nor godly.
  2. There is too much desire for self-affirmation. I know I’ve blogged on this before. However, I’m too competitive and I can’t help the drive for recognition, ‘hits’ and feedback. It means I’m often posting with the wrong motive and I can’t abide it. There are plenty of people serving a heck of a lot more sacrificially and effectively within CCB, but without e-mails to advertise the fact.
  3. As a general rule, this is not ‘doing’. I don’t know exactly what ‘doing’ looks like – but blogging is generally just ‘talking about doing’ instead of ‘doing’ it. There are some posts on here I am proud of and which God has used to help others as well as me. However, in the majority of cases, time spent blogging would be better spent doing something else. I’m finding this ever harder to justify.
  4. Whilst I have come some way in terms of a ‘theological education’ via sermons, books and my own study, I want to formalise my learning a little. Therefore, I plan next term to start taking the theology courses from Moore Seminary via correspondence, in order to give my endeavours greater discipline, soundness and a certificate! I do love to study…

 So, was it all a waste of time? No, I don’t think so. For the following reasons…

  1. It gave me a reason to think things through with a degree of accountability. Thanks to this project I now far better know my Bible-based mind on Calvinism, gender issues, movie-watching, evangelism and a great deal more besides. This is very helpful for apologetics and mentoring younger Christians.
  2. I know, more via e-mails that comments, that some people have occasionally been helped and challenged by a couple of things that came up. Being honest however, this was more true early on  – when the posts were more occasional but more borne of deep conviction and a troubled soul.
  3. This whole blog relocation was part of a drive from the start of 2009 to get my focus on God. Along with setting myself some rules, reading more and listening to a heap of sermons I have managed to wean myself off some bad habits that I’m sure still lurk, ready to reclaim me lest I ever grow complacent!

Right, so, the end of the game for now. The best posts of the 71 were probably these about sex, a stag weekend, blogging v atheists, Jade, my wife’s op, The Shack and how it’s all irrelevant compared to the cross. I do love writing and I pray God will use that willingness in some way I haven’t yet been shown. I do also love discussion, but it may be more honest done in person and via e-mail, so do feel free. Thank you for reading and God bless.

 PS There is also one quick post to go which is very important…



Sigh. Non-Christian mates. What to do with them?? As we prepare for Passion for Life, through Revive, through our small groups and through our church meetings, we each have to start plotting how we might turn up to those events with somebody on our arm. After all, having been given about a year’s preparation, it would be pretty lame not to. The problem is – our non-Christian mates don’t know that! Chances are, they’ll be as comfortable saying no to this ‘weird church event’ as they are saying no to all the others. But it’s important… it’s really important! Phil Allcock at Revive gave a great seminar suggesting, first and foremost, that our lack of evangelism is a lack of faith – if we really believed they’d be punished in Hell for all eternity, then of course we’d say something… just as we would if their house was on fire or they were heading over the edge of a cliff. We don’t. Because it might make us look silly. Which is us saying that looking silly is a worse prospect than is the burning in Hell for all eternity thing…

So what to do? Here are my primary ‘targets’, and where my thinking is at with each. I love them all dearly by the way…

Friend A: Media Guy.

He loves London culture and his freedom within it. Raised in a nominally Christian home, he is currently challenged to examine his beliefs, particularly in preparing to raise a child. Even so, he is against any kind of evangelism or profession of certainty, believing anyone’s views to be equally deserving of respect. He has read Dawkins but was not particularly convinced. Has agreed to read Keller as a counter-balance. Is very aware of the change in me over the past couple of years. Respects it but is frustrated by it too. Would really like me to get good and drunk with him and stop taking this whole ‘religion thing’ so seriously!

APPROACH: I will invite him and his wife to a Passion for Life event and they might well accept. In the meantime I’ll get him the Keller book with a view to follow-up discussion. This is a good time to be chatting this stuff through – the prospect of a baby has led to thoughtfulness and self-examination! The key is finding one-on-one time.

Friend B: Disinterested Guy.

He cannot believe that this world comes from nothing and co-incidence. Coming from an Oxbridge PHD scientist that’s exciting. However, neither can he believe there’s ‘some person in the sky we can talk to’. His firmly stated decision is to not think about it. Has pronounced himself ‘impossible to convert to either side’ and has refused to attend any church event.

APPROACH: Conversation is the key, with the aftermath to games of squash generally giving the opportunity. His stance is one likely to soften with time and life experience – realisation of our mortality must surely make us more likely to consider that which we decide ‘not to think about’ for now. The shutters may be down, but the implied theism of the opening sentence above nonetheless offers hope. He is very unlikely to attend Passion for Life so I have to get the gospel in there myself. At least he knows me well enough that he won’t find it too unexpected or bizarre when it happens. Knowing him he will good-naturedly sigh and roll his eyes…

Friend C: Embittered Guy

Whilst a very open, friendly and accepting chap, experience has made him very ‘anti-religion’. He has in adulthood escaped the cult offshoot of Christianity in which he was raised (y’know, the ones who come to your door!) and is thus reluctant to entertain the notion of returning to any version of that lie that left him so isolated and bullied as a youngster. Has since mid-teenagedom been very sexually active and would struggle with the idea of giving it up for even a week. It sounds trivial but we have to accept that, for many in the world, that prospect is a major stumbling block to even allowing themselves to consider Christianity!

APPROACH: Likes experiencing things, and may well come to a Passion for Life event if located in a pub! He will be there with a closed mind – but then I do believe in the Spirit’s ability to open it. Humanly, it’s hard to envisage.

Friend D: The ‘Prospect’

Raised in a Christian home by still-Christian parents, he knows that it was good for him and would like to raise his own kids in the same way. Is therefore willing to be convinced and is often to be found at church events. Even so, the exciting idea that he is ‘on the verge’ of being converted is just not necessarily true. In reality he doesn’t have faith, despite years of witness from friends and family, despite understanding the gospel intellectually and despite wanting to eventually lead a Christian home. For whatever reason, it’s just not happening.

APPROACH: Keep on trying… keep on being honest. And realise God is patient and so must we be. At some point however, practically speaking, he needs shaking from the comfort zone – perhaps an honest talking to from Perks or the like. Things could very easily go on this way for ever! (Neither is the comfort zone his alone. Whilst he is around I know I can always turn up to things like Passion for Life with a guest…) I’d like to imagine he’ll turn up to something come March.

Friend E: Hedonistic Guy

One problem with our society is that, whilst conversion is often more easily envisaged when people are brought low and desperate, our comfortable middle-class existence doesn’t lend itself easily to desperation! Yet this friend at times seems close to it. With an obsessive, impulsive personality, he is prone to quit job and home at any time to gallivant around the world, craving experience in ‘massage parlours’ and with strange unknown drinking partners. He throws around money and seeks to live life to the fullest. But the loneliness and self-loathing hits him at the most unexpected moments. He is clearly looking for something but is, perhaps for that very reason, is very reluctant to even discuss Christianity. Indeed, things got seriously weird for a while when I challenged him on the subject via e-mail.

APPROACH: I don’t know! I have been open. It was weird. It will be weird again if I raise it again. I know that’s not the worst thing, but I’m of no use to him if he drops out of touch. In reality, my unspoken witness is important. He does see me as different to his other mates and does view that fact positively. Ideally God will use that situation at some point – but I have to live up his estimation by not letting myself down and doing something stupid! I will invite him to a Passion for Life event, but it will be the most difficult invitation I have to extend…

Right, I could go on like this ad infinitum but tell me your thoughts… Any ideas? I do think conversation is the key and there’s no magic bullet. But I’d appreciate any new insight in any of the above cases.


Well, it’s certainly been lively… and there is but a short while left before Guest ‘Week’ ends and you’re left with only me. However, not yet! Because here’s Tom with an honest and Bible-fired challenge to us and to himself. To serve and to value service…

First up thanks must go to Andy for the invite to guest on his blog. The only reason I have gone for it is the readership I know he has. I would be keen to have feedback from people, as this blog post is more like the start of a conversation down the pub than a grand proclamation. This doesn’t mean I haven’t thought through what I am about to say!  I am not the most logical thinker and seem to have quite a staccato writing style. It will make more sense if read alongside Mark 10 v35-45. I am not going to quote the passage throughout this post as it is not intended to be a bible exposition. 

Over the last few weeks I have been dwelling on a passage from Mark 10 v35-45. I should be open; I have used Paul Barnett’s The Servant King alongside reading the bible. I am often like James and John, there is so much that revolves around me, I want to be first! (v37) In this passage Jesus recognises this is how the world operates but not in his kingdom (v43-44).

I have recently become aware that I respect those who have served me, this has been a voluntary reaction, it is not like I have been forced by some organisational chain of command.

So what am I going to doing with this? I am working on how I measure greatness. My assessments of people, life and achievement are often done by status cues, for me personally this is not necessarily the obvious. As in we are not necessarily going to agree on what we deem cool. In fact the word cool is not exactly cool anymore (try nang). An awful lot of my life is about preserving my status, this is not necessarily just about obvious materialism if anything I can tend to be slightly inverted in this respect.

Either way I so often get suckered into a view or way of living that does not see service as great or even cool.

I am learning to be intentional in service of others and make sure it happens. This is with the church and those outside the church. I want to build up the church and not just make it all about my own spiritual development. Jesus was intentional in his service and was trying to get the disciples to understand why he was going to Jerusalem, the cross and his death. 

I remember when studying this passage in Mark in Knowing God, Chapter 10 v35-45 became my favourite passage because I understood how Jesus is my ransom, this bolstered my confidence in Christ.  I gained a fresh appreciation of how Jesus Christ has served me. It is possible to forget or abandon this as christians but Jesus serves in a way no-one else can. I have a simple prayer that I need to repeat Lord Jesus please work in me to serve others and be willing to come in last.


Hello again – hope you enjoyed your weekend! I am proud now to introduce our first female contributor – Lynda – who has daily dealings with ‘the world’ by virtue of her trendy media job. It’s a piece expressing considerable frustration, much of which should give us blokes pause for thought. Feel free to comment – particularly any girls who might agree!

Many of you know who I am, as I stupidly volunteered to do this and am the only one of us guest bloggers who regularly wears dresses. Despite this, I’m still going to be totally honest. Buckle up… 

At this moment in time, the word that currently sums up my experience of living in the world as a woman for God is guilt.  Guilt that I still do, think and say things, that after 12 years of Christianity, I shouldn’t.  Guilt that my ambition of being a godly woman, who can serve her church and younger sisters well, doesn’t really seem to be happening. 

I’m aware that guilt is not just a female thing, plus I don’t want this blog to be horrendously self-indulgent as I’m aware it could be. However I do believe that the struggle for perfection, the desire to please and the need to be loved and accepted by all is something that affects us girls possibly more than the boys.  

So, I have these words by J. I Packer on my fridge as a daily reminder of the unconditional love and forgiveness that Jesus brings: 

“There is tremendous relief in knowing that His love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery now can disillusion Him about me, in the way I am often disillusioned about myself, and quench His determination to bless me.” (Knowing God, p. 37) 

Despite my best efforts though, guilt still has a hold over me in many areas. These are my top two. (cue Top of The Pops music…) 

Work: I’ve been blessed with an amazing job and when I started 5 years ago, I passionately knew I was there to proclaim Jesus and do His work. I relied on him for each new contract and praised His name every time I walked through the gates. However, now my job is safer and my career is taking off, the reliance on Him is less. Add to that the bad decisions I’ve made, the wrong things I say each day and how I’ve behaved at wrap parties, I sometimes fear my reputation is beyond redemption. How on earth could God use such a sinner as me, how dare I let Him down so badly.  

And, as you expected, relationships: I never used to doubt that God was faithful and would provide for my every need. And I still believe that, yet it’s getting harder. As a single girl in her mid-twenties, my ‘student’ years feel over and now everything should start to fall in to place. The house, the husband, the children. But, so far they haven’t and the temptation to figure it out without God has led to wrong decisions and heartbreak. Not to mention a complete lack of glory to Him. As a girl, the emotions and the heart speak much louder than the head and the intellect. We are crying out for the good shepherd to guide and comfort us.   

So, living in the world as a godly Christian woman? Currently I suggest you’d ask someone else. But, I am blessed with some brilliant Christian girlfriends who know my struggles well and as such know when to speak, what to pray and how to tell me off.  I know some fantastic Christian men who give me an entirely different perspective on each and every dilemma. And, Jesus has called me and set me apart, and the work that He has started in me will be brought to fruition. Eventually. 


Part 3 today – and I’m excited to welcome to the site Brian L Barber – an online acquaintance from the US of A! I have been most influenced by his entreaties to ‘Play the Man’ on his own site and have thus invited him to contribute here. So, read on to be convinced of the merits of bible memorisation (memorization if you’re American!). Do feel free to comment with your thoughts – I know it’s most encouraging for those who take the time to write.

Pastor John Piper was asked recently if he ever doubted the sincerity of his own devotion to Christ.  His answer was, “Yes.”  But he was also asked that if he did have doubts, how did he pray in light of those doubts and where in the scriptures did he turn during those seasons.  His answer to that part of the question was profound.  I’d encourage you to listen to his answer.  What struck me though was that Piper spoke of calling to mind specific passages of scripture FROM MEMORY to fight the doubts when they came calling.  

What is the primary conflict in the life of every Christian guy living in this world?  We think, as guys, that living the best life means living according to the flesh.  There is so much inside of us and outside of us that draws us into living according to the flesh.  Every sin we ever commit can be traced back to a single temptation to living our lives according to the flesh instead of putting our sin to death by the Spirit.  

Take a minute and try to estimate how many Bibles you have in your house.  The problem is that most of the time when we are fighting the fight of faith and we find ourselves in the midst of the battle, those Bibles are still in our house and we are not.  The Psalmist memorized God’s word because, he wrote, it kept him from sin – (Ps. 119:11 – “Thy word have I hid in my heart, that I might not sin against Thee.”  That was the first verse I ever memorized – in the KJV if you couldn’t tell.  I learned it probably 20 years ago and I can still remember it to this day.)  

Scripture memorization has experienced a revival in me recently.  I challenged myself to memorize Romans 8 a few years ago (I only have 9 verses left).  During this time I have spent a lot of time thinking about Paul’s flow of thought in that great chapter and it has benefited me greatly in living as a Christian guy in this world.  Many times a day I have recited to myself the glorious truth that “there is therefore, now, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Having this text memorized has enabled me to battle against my tendency to live according to the flesh.  All of those temptations and sins we face each day are lumped into a single category in Romans 8 – living according to the flesh.  Verse 13 says, “For if you live according to the flesh, you will die.  But if by the Spirit, you put the death the deeds of the body, you will live.”  

The image is that there are two ways of living your life 1) living according to the flesh, which will put you to death or 2) living according to the Spirit, which will put to death the temptation or desire to live according the flesh so that you can truly live.

Living according to the flesh, simply put, is living for something outside of the things of God and so all sin flows from living according to the flesh.  If you are living according to the flesh then, as Paul says, you are setting your mind on the things of the flesh – the essence of sin.  Paul writes in Romans 8:5-6, “Those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh and those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.  To set the mind on the flesh is death, to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.”

How do we put to death the temptation to live according to the flesh, the tendency to set our minds on the things of the flesh?  We set our minds on the Spirit.  And what does it mean to set our minds on the things of the Spirit?  

Paul says in Romans 8:13 that we put to death the deeds of the body “by the Spirit.”  It brings the picture to mind of us pulling the sword of the Spirit from its sheath and slaying the dragon that is the life of the flesh.  And the sword of the Spirit is what?  It is the word of God!  So how do we set our minds on the things of the Spirit?  We fill our minds with the thoughts of God.  We fill our minds with God’s word.

If we are going to fight this fight of faith and live as Christian guys in this world, we must hide His word in our hearts (fill our minds with His word) so that we might not sin against Him.  We must be ready to wield the sword of the Spirit – the word of God.  

Brothers, memorize scripture.  There are so many methods out there that help us do this, but let me tell you the way that worked best for me.  Take a blue pen, a green pen, and a red pen.  Then write the verse you want to memorize 5 times with each pen.  Now don’t be ridiculous – you need to do this with as few distractions as possible.  Don’t sit down to watch the ball game and think that this can be done during the commercials.  

Just set a goal for yourself – memorize a verse a week.  Surely at some point during the week you could find time to sit down with three pens to write down a verse 15 times…

You won’t make it in the battle against sin unless, by the Spirit, you are able to put to death the deeds of the body.  And I am pretty sure that all those Bibles in your house will not be so close at hand the next time you come face to face with the temptation to live according to the flesh…so have His word in your heart.


Next Guest post tomorrow – thanks all for getting into the spirit of things – over 100 hits a day Tues and Wed (although 70 of them probably Phil!). In the meantime just a little reminder to VOTE!!! We have all heard the quote that all it takes for evil to prosper is for good people to do nothing. Whilst we may be able to pick theological holes in the concept , it is very apt for today… every apathetic soul too lazy to make it to the polling station – perhaps in the name of protest – is reducing the voting pool and thus increasing the BNP’s share of the active electorate… (and you can be sure their supporters WILL be pitching up!).

So vote. There is even a pretty sound Christian party option although I more than trust anyone on here to think for themselves when it comes to who to vote for. Just do vote!! And keep reading the blog as another friend gives up their time to contribute wisely tomorrow (and at least 3 more after that!).

Guest ‘Week’ Part 2 – JUST DO SOMETHING

Part 2 now – I know I said I’d leave it longer, but there’s been a record number of hits since yesterday so I am confident Pete’s article has been well read.

And now… You know him as Phil, but he is known on this site under the inpenetrable monicker ‘Phil C’! Here he writes imploring us to, in the words of Nike, ‘Just Do It!’. As one who would far rather think/debate/write than actually act I have found it a welcome if uncomfortable challenge!


I spent a long time writing one version of this article. I wrote over a thousand words, spent at least an hour crafting and editing them, and then deleted most of them. Instead, here is something that took much less time and crafting, and is hopefully a bit more provocative.

To explain – and at further risk of stopping you from reading this or any of the other pieces in this blog series – I worry about spending too much time talking about living for God than actually living for Him.

I love pontificating about things. It doesn’t help that I’m a journalist – I’m paid to tell people how other people are living, rather than to live myself.

Well, okay, I know that’s not quite true. The point is that I am better at talking about doing things rather than doing them. I don’t think I’m alone: there’s a Christian book just published in the US with the fantastic title Just Do Something, by a chap called Kevin DeYoung. I don’t really know what it’s about, but I wonder if that’s the answer for many of us: stop talking about living for God, and just do it.

A caveat: I’m not devaluing talking about God – whether that’s a sermon, a Bible study, or a chat among Christians in the pub. I’m talking about putting talk and discussion in the place of living out a sacrificial love that reflects God’s own love for us.

I’ve kind of given the game away there, but I’ll carry on. What’s the next step? We should do something, but what? How on earth am I to live in the world for God? Should I “just do something” like that book title says? Maybe I should go and study, or cycle across Mongolia with a bag full of tracts, presenting them to friend and Mongol alike.

That question usually leads me to lots of conversation, an essay like this, and not much action. The big questions about What To Do and How To Live distract me from the simple truth that living for God in the world is, for most of us middle-class Brits, in the little things more than the big.

What did Jesus mean when he said: “if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me”? He meant lots of things – go and read it, it’s in chapter nine of Luke. But notice that we are supposed to take up our cross daily.

I know it’s obvious, but living for Christ is not just about dramatic events and life-changing decisions, though it includes those things. I’ve never had to face a choice that would put me alongside the likes of Maximilian Kolbe, the priest who gave up his life to save that of a fellow inmate in a concentration camp. That doesn’t mean I’m not living for Christ; I am called to live now for Christ, whatever my situation.

Jesus says don’t just talk, but do it: take up your cross every day.

For me that means doing things that are small and varied and prickly, rather than big and momentous and obvious. They feel insignificant, hardly worth comparing to the once-for-all sacrifice that Jesus made. They are things like spending time with people who are dull, rather than interesting or attractive. Or giving up evenings to pray with someone who needs it. Or letting someone push ahead of me on the tube. Or telling someone about Jesus when we could just talk about something more neutral.

If I was lazy, I would just say it’s all about loving people in the small things we do, which unfortunately sounds like a cliche. Of course, I’m not lazy, but it’s past midnight and past Andy’s deadline, so I won’t spend much time trying to think of another way to say it. We are called to live for Christ by reflecting his love for us; and the people who can really see that in us are the people who have to clean up after us and work with us and live with us. That means that living for God in the world is about what you are doing right now, not just what you plan to do in the next five years.

So, in the spirit of action over talk, look in your diary. There will be some free evenings over the next few weeks. Give them up for people that need your friendship, whether it means food or conversation or a drink or bowling or something more interesting than I can think of right now. That is living for God in the world. And if you don’t have free time, make some. If time is the only thing you have to sacrifice, living for God in the world is a lot easier for you than it might be.


A little inconsequential bonus here – stashed unheralded between posts like one of those ‘Easter Eggs’ on a DVD Extras menu. A counterpoint perhaps to all the impressive profundity being submitted by others (in that the following is most certainly neither impressive nor profound!)


Yes God designed me male
With a love for raw statistics
A gene for DIY
Though I fear I may have missed it…

And God designed me male
I can lead a congregation!
Pride, drunkenness and swearing
Are among my main temptations

Now God designed me male
I’m no good at multi-tasking
I can either watch TV or
Have a conversation darling…
So God designed me male
Yes I’m fond of action movies
I like to win at sport
And I’m over-fond of boobies

If God designed me male
To provide and to protect
Then can’t he make me taller
In the hope I’ll gain respect?

Well God designed me male
No I never read instructions
And I’ll always order meat
If we’re dining out for luncheon

And God designed me male
It’s all part of his good plan
Though I must confess it’s tough
Still I’m glad to be a man…



We kick off this season of guest contributions with these thoughts from Pastor Pete from CCB – they may seem familiar as they’re adapted from a talk he gave at a Lads’ Weekend Away last year. But that makes them no less valuable! Do give your thoughts below… or the big man will be heartbroken!

How should Christian blokes treat Christian women?  We could spend weeks talking about this but here’s a starter for 10!

We should treat women as sisters

1 Timothy 5:1 Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father. Treat younger men like brothers, 2 older women like mothers, younger women like sisters, in all purity.

Treat the women like sisters, in all purity.

Women at church are our sisters.  We are their brothers.  We need to treat them with all purity.  Therefore we must not mess them about, treat them shamefully.  We need to consider how we relate to the women and think how we can do that in all purity.  For the purposes of this blog I’m just talking about relationships between men and women of a similar age.  I think generally with the demographic and narrow age range of this blog (I didn’t say narrow readership!)

Now what does that look like?  I don’t have any biological sisters, but it’s not hard to consider how that relationship should work.  We should protect them, if I had a sister I would hope that I would work hard at protecting her.  Also, there is an aspect of leadership; a brother should take the lead in his relationship with his sister.  But the word purity particularly makes us consider the issue of how we treat them relationally.  Not simply sex, but the purity of our thoughts, the purity of our intentions.  What do we desire most for our sisters?

Surely, we want them to grow in faith?  Surely we want them to love Christ more?  They need us to model devotion to Christ.  They need us to encourage them to love and serve Christ more.  These are not pie in the sky unobtainable desires.  This is what will result if we strive for personal maturity in ourselves and treat the women at church as sisters.

Much of this will be the same whether or not we ourselves are married.  For the health of the church it’s important we think about how this applies to each of.  What does it look like for us to treat the women at church as sisters? 

When in bible study groups, be the first to pray.  Take the lead, it’s our role.  Make sure we prioritise attendance at church, at house group, at KG, and of course at the monthly prayer meeting.  Of course it will be good for us to do these things, but it will also help the women at church grow in their love for Christ, as they see how we are growing in maturity, they can learn from this.

We need to take the lead evangelistically.  This is an area we have not been as good as the women at.  Fabulously, our church (CCB) is not as bad as the national imbalance between men and women.  But we do have more women than men in church.  I went through the directory and we have 14 more women than men listed in there.  There are a number of factors for that, but it seems to me the women have taken the lead evangelistically.  We need to do it.  We need to take the lead and evangelise men.  This helps model the priority of evangelism, but it is also a loving thing for us to do for the women at church. 

The women in church are not stupid, they can count.  Many, most, of them want to get married.  They recognise that if things stay the same, then 14 of them won’t.  Wouldn’t it be a loving thing for us to for our sisters to work hard at evangelising single men, so that our sisters can have someone to marry?

So we need to treat the women in church with purity, they are our sisters.

Now this next bit is specifically aimed at those not married.  However, married guys need to listen too.  Why?  Because they need to encourage the single guys and also to hold them to account for the way they are treating their Christian sisters.

To have any romantic ambiguity with a girl at church is a no-no.  The constant refrain from Christian girls is for us men to “BE CLEAR”.  For a girl to think there might be a romantic possibility with you because of the way you’ve acted towards her and you’ve no intentions with that girl is mean.  It is a long way from purity. 

Now, please don’t get me wrong, please be friends with girls at church.  It’s a normal and good thing to do, they are our sisters, and it’s the most natural thing to want to be friends with them.  But, avoid spending exclusive time with a girl without explaining what is going on.

Men and women think differently, you might say; “we went for a drink she knew it was just as friends.”  Are you sure?  Generally speaking, women psycho-analyse things far more than we do.  They read into things stuff we wouldn’t even imagine could be there.  So be very clear, don’t mess the girls at church around with them speculating whether there is a chance of something more when you’ve no intention of that.  We must take the lead and be clear.

But do make friends with the girls, as an email I got said, “Our girls are brilliant!” 

But what do you do if you are keen on a girl?

Not sure.  But how about this for an idea. 

1. Pray!  Ask God to give you wisdom about whether you should go out with this girl. 

2. Ask the advice of others who you trust. 

3. Ask to meet with her and explain your desire to date her. 

Say you wish to go out with her and you do have a view to the future, you’re not asking her to marry you at this point, but you are saying you would like to see if you have a future together.  If you do not have a view of the future, DO NOT GO OUT WITH HER.  Equally it doesn’t mean you should marry her within the next few weeks, you could but it doesn’t mean you have to.

So now imagine she said yes, she would like to see where things go.  2 questions when you are going out and to keep asking.

  1. If relationship ended tomorrow could you say that you both grew as a Christian during the time you were courting?
  2. If relationship ended tomorrow could you say that you honoured her, both physically and emotionally?

If you say yes to both of these and it does end then it’s not been a failure, you’ve both grown as Christians. 

In all areas, whether we are married or single, we need to consider carefully how we are striving to treat the women at church as sisters.

But additionally, and to help us to do that:

We need to encourage each other to be men.

ESV Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

ESV Proverbs 18:24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Look at these proverbs.  We know they are true.  Let’s encourage, challenge, rebuke, and train each other to be the men at church our women need us to be.

Coming This Week…

Just to announce… Following a break for holidays (lovely time had in Padstow!), this week sees the start of a Summer Series of Guest Posts. |At least five or six friends and bloggers will be penning their own responses to the very vague title ‘Living in the World as a Man (or Woman, in one case) for God’. This will hopefully prove interesting and helpful in offering a voice other than my own and in stimulating thought and debate. Tomorrow (or perhaps Wednesday) should see the first offering so stay tuned!!